Hungry!!!

For the last month or so, we have not been to church. For one reason or another, we haven't been able to go or we've just not gone. I haven't been able to make it the ladies Bible study since October that I have been going to for most of the last 2 years. I've been having my quiet time with God, but not on a regular basis. The result?  For the last few days I have had an unmistakable growling of hunger in my heart for Jesus!!! Last fall, I felt the urge to facilitate (I won't say lead, because I relied greatly on the study materials provided to direct us through the study, and I don't feel mature enough in my knowledge of the Bible to lead anyone through a study) a study at my house, and had a small group of friends that did the Vicky Courtney study "5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter". It was great! The other ladies Bible study that I often attend is one that my sister has been going to for years and had invited me to when we moved here, and for one reason or another, it has been impossible for me to get there the last few months. I'm finally at a point where I should be able to get back to it, and I'm waiting for their new study to begin. At any rate, I have definitely been missing my scheduled, dedicated time to spend with God and in fellowship with other Christians in study.
I can always see a reflection in my life of that absence of study, and I often wonder why it can be so easy to get out of the discipline. I get angry at myself for allowing things that are seemingly, at the time, legitimate reasons to keep me from my time with God. I'll push it to the side with the intention of getting to it later, and then before I know it, it's been a few days and I haven't even thought about it again. I find myself having a life so consumed with stuff and things and do-this and do-that, that my God is not my first priority. And I try to console myself and say it's ok, everyone goes through that...but it's like the thing my Mama used to say to us "I'm not worried about what the other kids are doing, I'm worried about what YOU are doing." I can't let myself measure my relationship with God by what I percieve other people's relationships to be with Him. I'm guilty of that. When I come face to face with God, He's only going to be worried about what I've done. Or not done. I can't starve my heart and mind of His word for me.
Revelations 3:20 "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."