What I've learned....in the last 12 months.

We changed out our closets this week. You know, that whole transition from spring/summer clothes to the fall/winter ones that it isn't quite cold enough to wear yet, but you are afraid of an artic blast pressing it's way through the South so unseasonably, and being caught with nothing warm to put on? It was this transition last year that convicted me to begin my 12 month shopping fast. This means...I have 3 weeks left of my fast. It ends October 11th.
I am feeling many emotions..relief...pride...guilt...fear...anxiousness...impatience...I am relieved and ready for this to be over..but at the same time, I'm scared to not have that discipline anymore. I don't want to return to being a shopaholic!! Now, I am looking forward to buying myself a few new essentials and I have my eye on a pair of new boots. But I want to stay focused and maintain my attitude of shopping for necessary items as opposed to shopping for wants. I am celebrating with a couple of friends by going to Atlanta for a shopping weekend in November, and I'm limiting what I can buy for myself-it will mostly be a Christmas gift shopping experience.
In the midst of this fast, my husband and I have refocused our budget (we did Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace back in the spring) and there is a small amount in there for shopping. I have two children that are growing at a ridiculous pace, I can't buy my son more than a couple of items of clothing at a time because he outgrows them too quickly. Most of that shopping budget is directed towards keeping them covered.
Last year, when I set this goal for myself, I also wanted to downsize my wardrobe. I got rid of about 3 large trashbags of clothes last fall. All in great shape, and was able to donate them to a women's shelter. This year, as I went through the spring/summer things that I was taking out of my closet, and the fall/winter things I was putting in, I got rid of anything that I didn't wear this past year, which happened to be quite a bit. Things that are in great shape, but not "my shape" I piled into two large boxes and I'm delivering them to a new home today. Things that were just ratted out I threw away. My closet is still full of things! I am not in NEED of anything other than some new long sleeve t-shirts.
I want to keep that focus and be a good example to my children of knowing the difference between need and want. I want to continue to be thankful for the things that I have, and not search for happiness in some new trendy item. This whole thing has kind of been like hitting the reset button on my outlook of what is important and meaningful in my life, and while I am really going to enjoy getting a new pair of boots..my life is not going to end if I don't buy them. And chances are, if I don't see some that I just fall in love with..I will talk myself out of buying them. I don't want to view it as a reward. The reward I have recieved from this is the way God has worked in my life over the last 12 months. The way He has worked on my patience, my self image, my gratitude for the blessings in my life, the way I view what is a blessing...I am proud of myself, but in many ways, I'm still ashamed of what led me to do this in the first place. It's somewhat embarassing to admit to being a materialistic person!!! And I know that I still have some materialistic roots in my being. It is a work in progress, and while I feel like I have made much progress..there is still so much room for growth. So, these next few weeks, I am going to be praying steadfastly for God to really instill the things I have learned over the last year so that when the calendar flips to October 11th, and I know Satan is going to be waiting for me (he has been taunting me the whole last year), I will be able to look him in the face and tell him to back off. Will you all say it with me?
"BACK OFF!!!"

09/11

Eleven years ago today, September 10th, 2001,  my son was about 8 months old. We were gearing up for my husband's first deployment away from us in his military career. He was scheduled to leave on September 20th.  I was nervous about the separation and how it would effect each of the three of us, but I was relieved that we were living at home (Louisiana) at the time, and my family was close by to help support us. The word "terrorist" and "terrorist attack" were not things that consumed my thoughts or dictated how I planned ahead for trips. I knew they existed, but they seemed like such a foreign concept. Those kind of things just didn't happen on our soil. I thought of them much like people think of any other tragedy they hear about, as something that happened to other people. I went to bed that night counting the days that we had left before Richard was scheduled to leave and thinking about the things we had left to tend to before that day arrived. The next morning arrived and our schedule was as usual. I was a stay at home mom at the time, and went about tending to Brian and our normal morning routine. I fed him breakfast and let him play for a while, I think I was reading a book while he played. It came time for his morning nap, and just as I was laying him down in his crib the phone rang. Richard was on the other end and he asked if I was watching the news. I turned it on while he filled me in that a plane had just hit the World Trade Center. It didn't make sense to me, I couldn't process what was happening..then as we were on the phone talking and watching the news, the second plane hit. We saw it hit. Richard said "I have to go, this is a terrorist attack." I remember just standing there with the phone in my hand staring at the TV and trying to understand. The next few hours are a blur and kind of surreal. We were living on base at Barksdale AFB then, and the base was immediately locked down. You couldn't get on or off the base. I was on the phone with my parents filling them in, they didn't have TV's at their workplace. I called my oldest sister, a high school teacher, and told her to get a TV in her room. And then I remember thinking about the fact that Richard was supposed to leave in a few days. How the idea of that had all ready been scary, but now it was...terrifying. I remember seeing the smoke and ash covered faces of people that had made it out of the building. Seeing those that were stuck in the building that felt they had no other choice but to jump. The tears coming down faces. The faces that were obviously in shock. Hearing about the plane that hit the Pentagon. Hearing about the plane that crashed in that field..and everyone on board dying. My son waking up from his nap and wondering what kind of world he had just woken up to..and realizing he would never know anything different. Those next months went by slowly, as we sent Richard off to his deployment and then welcomed him back home. Shortly after, we found out we were moving to England, and while I was excited about the opportunity ahead of us, I was terrified of the unknowns and what could happen. There were two terrorist attacks on the tube in London while we lived there. A friend and I went to London between the two bombings. We rode on the tube and I remember looking at anyone with any bag bigger than a lunchsack with fear and suspicion. My daughter was born there in 2004. Neither of my children, as so many others, will know a world where 09/11 doesn't have the terrible memories that it does now. Will it end up being a memory like Pearl Harbor is to those who didn't live through it? Will complacency take over again? Has it all ready? Our world is forever changed. The lives taken that day will never be forgotten by those of us that witnessed the events unfold. The victims and their families are forever in our thoughts and prayers.
Never forget.